Average Reviews:
(More customer reviews)I only wish I'd found this book sooner -- it's the one book that's had the greatest positive impact on how I think about raising my identical twin toddler boys. Dr. Friedman hits it right on the head from the start: twins just happen to be born at roughly the same moment in time but need to live life as two unique individuals. And parents can help this process by enabling their children to have truly separate and unique experiences AND relationships that support the development of a healthy sense of self.
Dr. Friedman's discussion early in the book about the "twin mystique" sets the tone for her later observations and parenting suggestions. This "mystique" is a set of faulty ideals about twins that are held in popular culture: they inhabit their own private world that only they hold the map to; they feel lost without each other and want to preserve their twosome status into adulthood; one always knows what the other one needs, therefore twins are "each other's predestined partner and confidant."
I consider myself a thoughtful, educated and empathic person and parent, and never thought I'd fall into the mindset of this mystique, but this book totally challenged many of my beliefs about twins. And I thank the author for that! I don't pretend to know what being a twin is like, but I now know a lot more about the issues surrounding their healthy development. Friedman's personal story about discovering the need for alone time with each twin really struck an instant chord with me. I can't believe (and kick myself hard!) that I hadn't embraced this idea sooner - it's a remarkably simple solution to the overwhelming feeling of not being mom enough for two little ones who need a lot of your constant attention.
I agree, this approach has greatly improved our family relationships and I think it's also relieved our sons of the pressure to be together all the time. Heck, I'd want to kill someone if I spent every waking moment with them, who wouldn't? Our sons now have time just to be themselves without worry of how it's affecting the other - positively or negatively. And their happy little "reunions" after alone time away from each other are so sweet that I know we're doing the right thing for them. I hope this has set the groundwork for less sibling rivalry and fighting in the coming years. And generally happier children.
And that's not all -- the chapter "Fathers and Babies, Fathers and Mothers" is worth the price of the book, and then some. Not to be funny, but I think this book will save more than one twin parent marriage. It can be very stressful to navigate all the mental, physical and emotional needs of twins. Dr. Friedman very respectfully speaks about the care and needs of both mother and father and how each can better understand each other while parenting twin children.
I can't recommend this book highly enough. I have done just that, to every twin parent friend I know -- who are many. I hope you find this book to be just what you need to give yourself a break from guilt and frustration, and to embrace the amazing and loving task of raising two unique, happy and healthy people.
Click Here to see more reviews about: Emotionally Healthy Twins: A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children
Most parents try to treat their twins as individuals, but most unwittingly undermine their best intentions because they lack a practical set of guidelines for raising emotionally healthy multiples. Drawing on her unique experience as a twin, the mother of twins, and as a psychotherapist, Dr. Joan A. Friedman outlines the seven key concepts for helping twins develop into self-realized, unique individuals and offers parents specific strategies for each stage in their children's growth. From how to set up the nursery to handling playdates and extracurricular activities, from deciding on same or separate classroom education to encouraging grandparents and other family members to think beyond the pair to see individuals, Emotionally Healthy Twins will become the standard reference for parenting twins.
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