Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love Review

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(More customer reviews)When I first read the title "women can't hear what men don't say," I thought to myself "yeah, I can't hear what my boyfriend won't say." I wish he would speak up. After I read this book, I realized that there are alot of men that are afraid to speak up because feminism has swung the pendulum too far. This book was so enlightning and truly opened my eyes. Go to a greeting card rack sometime and see for yourself how many man-bashing cards there are. Do you ever see any women-bashing cards? There was a chapter in this book that actually made me cry because I realized how badly men have been treated in the past few years. Dr. Farrell does a wonderful job expressing what is happening in our culture. Dr. Farrell uses many studies that have been done and uses many examples in the book to get the points across. WOMEN - YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! As a woman, I ask you to please open your eyes to what is happening in our male-female relationships. Thank you Dr. Farrell for a great book.

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Why Men Are the Way They Are Review

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(More customer reviews)This is the 4th or 5th time I've had to order this book. I have loaned it out so many times, that I no longer purchase just one.
My husband and I read it when it first came out - and were both astonished. I'm still astonished that something so politically incorrect could have become a best-seller. Yet when I read it, I knew intuitively that Farrell was right; reverse sexism is rampant -and it's true - one can make a joke about a white male that would be considered racist, sexist,etc. were it made about anyone else. It's everywhere.
I loved the way Farrell illustrated his points - following advertising, television, popular reading. He pointed out how women have learned to demand more and more, while men are still baffled about what they thought women wanted in the first place.The tragedy is that women really believe that they MUST have a sensitive, caring man....who is also an Alpha male! The impossibility of meeting such contradictory demands confuses men AND women who do not see that their "needs" are really "wants" and are incredibly unrealistic - which sets them up for disappointment and pain in relationships.
I'm a therapist, and this book is required reading for anyone in couples counseling. I have also recommended it to countless newly divorced men still reeling with the injustice of it all. In addition, women often find the book freeing - for it gives them permission to love and accept their human husbands - and to re-examine their own often skewed values.
Nice job, Farrell - and you did it without mentioning drumming even once. Thanks.
Connie Brennen

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Farrell has conducted role-playing workshops with thousands of men and women for more than 20 years. His ground-breaking research is the basis for the book, which most experts agree may be one of the most extraordinary, eye-opening books of our time. HC: McGraw-Hill.

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The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever Review

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(More customer reviews)Don't be misled by the somewhat cheesy title or the fact that the author's name is Dr. Patricia LOVE-this is an excellent book that provides a much needed reality check to both married and unmarried couples alike. Whether you're having relationship problems or experiencing smooth sailing with your partner, this book is a highly recommended "must read." Filled with practical advice, The Truth About Love takes an honest look at the nature of love in all it's myriad forms and walks you through and shows you how to cope with the various stages that all relationships go through. Dr. Love shows that true love is truly a lot of work but that it if you're serious about it, it can be one of the most rewarding jobs in life. My boyfriend and I read this a year ago in an effort to better understand one another and to work through some issues we were having-not only did this book relieve some anxieties that we both were experiencing but it brought us closer together. Love is more than a feeling; it's a journey that you take with another person and both of you are active participants in how that journey unfolds. So make the most of it and read this book.

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The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top Review

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(More customer reviews)I read Steve Santagati's Manual driven by the same curiosity that compels men to page through copies of Cosmo at a girlfriend's house. We don't subscribe to those magazines, so somehow they immediately create intrigue. So in part it was voyeurism, and in part I wanted to explore what lessons were being taught to women by one of our own. I read through a few of the reviews here where Santagi was demonized as a pig, and I guess I'm here to say that whether or not that happens to be true, what the ladies should be curious about is whether or not his comments are accurate or reflective of most men. While I will admit that his delivery is a bit crude, guys can be too sometimes, so overdoing it is probably a better tact than sugarcoating things. I'll gladly confirm that for better or for worse, much of what he says is pretty accurate for most guys (we're sorry we're superficial, but we're just made that way ... and in my experience, even brilliant women like to be loved for their looks too). All Steve is saying is that it won't make you any less of a success to take advantage of this fact and accentuate it -- which isn't very different from a guy realizing that there's nothing wrong with his masculinity.
After serving as a shoulder to cry on more than once for my mystified and confused female friends, I've wanted at times to write a book much like this, though mine would probably have been more scientific, and perhaps even less PC. If you are curious about the scientific underpinning of the fundamental truths Steve seems to have learned in the real world, read Nancy Etcoff's "Survival of the Prettiest" or Geoffrey Miller's "The Mating Mind." Men and women are profoundly DIFFERENT on a neurological level. There's no moral judgment about it, and the more that we can learn to accept and embrace these differences, the happier we'll become. Any trait taken to extremes becomes unappealing, and most everything that irritates women about men (and vice-versa) is something that in moderation is often very attractive.
There's a big trend now, typified by VH1's "The Pick Up Artist" and Neil Strauss's "The Game" for men to explore the psychology of the female mind and leverage that into success in the dating world. When taken too far, this can be manipulative and disgusting, but in moderation, it does actually help some guys get over their issues or hurdles into being more comfortable in their skins. For me the moment when I realized just how different male and female minds were, I was in High School. I remember when I was first told by a brilliant beautiful girl I crushed on that she wanted confidence more than anything else in a man, and I remember thinking, "Huh? Not kindness, attractiveness, intelligence, or talent?" "You want confidence even if he boldly charges in wrongheaded directions?" "Yep. I don't know quite why it is, but it's still hot," was the reply, although she couldn't explain what made her feel that way any better than I can with my fascination with ponytails.
So our predilections are no more difficult for you to understand than yours are to us. Here's an illustrative story of the parallels between male and female thinking from the other side: Recently I was at a trendy downtown Manhattan restaurant, when Mystery, the host of "The Pickup Artist" walked in, all gangly six-foot six inches of his goth-looking overdone self, and I pointed him out to my tablemates. After an explanation of who he was to the girls at our table, and grudging admissions that we'd seen his show or read Mr. Strauss's book from all the guys, one of the girls (a highly educated, intelligent and stunning catch herself) proclaimed that she was certain that "confidence couldn't be taught." Well, she sure was wrong. The guy who brought her there on a date (also a handsome and successful match himself) had recently transformed himself from insecure to comfortable around women in part through Strauss's teachings. And the whole world of women never would have learned or experienced what a great guy he was unless someone had taught him a thing or two about female evolutionary psychology. Santagati's just trying to do the same thing for women that Strauss did for men. All sorts of girls with amazing personalities reject the notion of playing up their beauty on moral grounds. Sadly, the results of this are that lots of guys never meet truly amazing women who hide behind baggy clothes or overdone fashion.
Santiago tries to teach a few very accurate lessons: (1) Guys can't be analyzed through the lens of the female psyche. Our minds are too different for it to be intuitive. Instead you should educate yourself on what men say men want, because we may be many things, but we do usually say what we want. (2) Yes we are superficial, but we LOVE women and we want to see you as your best selves so we can smother you with affection. (3) Taking advantage of your looks isn't unethical or anti-feminist, a guy becomes attracted to you for physical assets, but STAYS for your personality (it's not wrong, it's just the way nature made us). (4) If you refuse to take advantage of the triggers for male attraction, chances are you won't find the guy you deserve (and he won't find you), so you will settle for a relatively boring guy instead. The differences between the sexes are a large source of excitement, and denying this will probably lead to antiseptic, dull relationships. (5) Don't listen to your female friends about how to get a guy or what to wear -- literally everything you do to impress your female friends will doom you with men. I've always been curious about why women spend so much effort on themselves, but that it's always put in the wrong places. I can't even count the number of times when I've seen a woman in a grossly unflattering outfit, only to hear her friends tell her how adorable it is. I don't know if this is intentional sabotage or not, but it isn't pretty. There are women out there who've spent loads of money on botox or handbags, but there isn't a single guy out there who will remember a girl for her trendy clothing. Meanwhile there are plenty of girls who are out of shape but carrying lustworthy accessories, whose time and money would have been better spent in a gym or ditching the car for a day to walk or bike, and there are others who obsess about trivial aspects of their appearance like wrinkles or noses while covering up terrific assets. Men rarely care about the details women fixate on. We see women holistically instead. For every woman down on her skin, there's a man who thinks she has amazing hair and never even notices her skin. The converse is doubtless true as well.
None of these insecurities are surprising. I know that the pressures that are put on women are Herculean and absurd. Success and family all before 30 or 35 ... while keeping in great shape? Virgin and whore at the same time? Sexy, but successful and appreciated for your mind not your body? They're unachievable paradoxes and it simply isn't fair! "Us Weekly" runs profiles on women who are too skinny and too fat in the same issue. It's all a little much.
But if you pause for a moment and consider where this criticism comes from, believe it or not, it's usually not guys. In my experience, and that of any girl who's gone through the social hell that is Junior High, it's usually the female peer group that's toughest on women! I rarely hear guys call women derogatory words unless they're overreacting from a recent heartbreak or breakup, but I hear girls say those words all the time about their FRIENDS! Guys are usually pretty accepting of body image. All you really need to do to look great is to stay healthy and in-shape and not let the media or advertising deceive you into believing that trivial problems are major. I find the little signs of aging and maturity profoundly attractive ... it's just that our American corn-starch diet-soda sedentary lifestyle is not. Men love the whole woman, not her eyeliner. So if women could only accept their complete beauty without worrying about what Maybelline tells them, I think we'd have a lot of happier people out there. Frankly, I've always found the Dove commercials with the plus-sized models fascinating: The commercials told you to accept your body for being overweight ... but then they replaced that insecurity with another, telling you that you had to buy their cream or moisturizer or suffer the horrors of cellulite (yet another thing guys could probably care less about). The cosmetics industry is made up of total hypocrites. The purveyors of unachievable body image are often those interested in making you feel bad about yourself so they can sell their products.
In summary, I'm a nice guy at heart, but I have a bit of a "bad guy" side. While I would love to be appreciated for my merits alone, I've realized that the "bad guy" side generates a lot more interest from women that just being a good guy. It's not necessarily the way that I'd like things to be, but it is the way the world works. Even if it's not what I wanted to hear, understanding that dichotomy does make for a more satisfying life than ignorance would have. So while some of what Steve says may not sit well, guys do respond to appearance in a way that isn't necessarily intuitive or satisfying to women. Yes, beauty is important to men, but the beauty we like is actually often far more achievable than the one society tells you to strive for. So don't get angry about men not finding you attractive while using that as an excuse for staying out of shape. It's no more attractive than self-loathing is in men. Instead, embrace a healthy lifestyle and a physically flattering style of dress. That, in turn will reflect in your self image, so you can project that happiness into your life. For guys, a world of women comfortable with the influence of their physicality would be an immensely satisfying place to live ... and it won't be so bad for women to understand the affects it has on their well-being either.

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101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last Review

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(More customer reviews)Charlie and Linda Bloom's first book 101 THINGS I WISH I KNEW WHEN I GOT MARRIED / New World Library finally puts a face on one of my favorite quotes from Teilhard de Chardin ;
The only right love is that between couples whose
passion leads them both, one through the other, to a higher
possession of their being .

As a psychotherapist , with over 30 years experience dealing
with love and relationship, I can unequivocally say that relationship is the true test of who we really are.

And relationship is what this book is all about.

Charlie and linda take on the test of marriage and relationship with humor and pathos and each of their simple one and two page lessons are tasty morsels to be slowly digested and savored .

I especially liked these ;

# 10 It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold,
smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding.

# 35 The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage
you gain from speaking it.

# 76 Of all the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the
possibility of using this relationship to become a more
loving person.

Which leads me to my concluding point ~ this book should be
read as a prep for not just marriage but for relationship in general.
It's truths are simple and wise and are based on a 31 year marriage that has obviously made both Charlie and Linda more loving persons.

Allen L Roland, Ph.D
A practicing psychotherapist living in Sonoma , California and author of RADICAL THERAPY / Surrender To Love and Heal Yourself in Seven Sessions ~ Not Seven Years.

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With the divorce rate spiking at a dizzying 60 percent, it's safe to assume that young couples and experienced partners alike may lack the skills and understanding necessary to sustain a committed relationship. Psychotherapists Linda and Charlie Bloom present 101 techniques delivering practical guidance and make it clear that, regardless of past experience, anyone can develop the basic strengths, skills, and capacities needed for a great relationship. Each lesson is presented as a simple, one-line thought followed by an explanation using real life examples — from the authors' own experiences in sustaining their marriage of 31 years to those of the thousands of couples they've professionally counseled or who have taken the Blooms' life relationship seminars. This book demonstrates how anyone can find ways out of a painful relationship, and how couples can enrich their own relationships through working through love's challenges.

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The Me I Want to Be: Becoming God's Best Version of You Review

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(More customer reviews)I am not the me I want to be. You are not either. Both of us desire to become better people. But what does better mean? And how do we become better? In his latest book, John Ortberg answers both questions with gentle wit and spiritual insight.
Ortberg is pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in Menlo Park, California, and author of several books, including Love Beyond Reason; The Life You've Always Wanted; If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get out of the Boat; and God Is Closer Than You Think--all of which I highly recommend.
The Me I Want to Be is about spiritual formation, which Ortberg defines as "the process by which your inner self and character are shaped." Many people use the word spiritual in distinction from, or even contradiction to, physical. Two unfortunate consequences of this distinction are that it separates spirituality from everyday life and then narrowly equates spirituality with the spiritual disciplines. Ortberg rejects this distinction. Your whole life is spiritual, not just the praying, Bible-reading, and church-going part. And while spiritual disciplines are indispensable, they are not the only way God forms your inner self.
For Ortberg, a spiritually formed person is a flourishing person. He writes: "Your deepest longing should be to be alive with God, to become the person God made you to be, and to be used to help God's world flourish." Spiritual formation, then, involves your relationship with God, your growth in Christlikeness, and your mission to the world God is redeeming.
How do you become a flourishing person? "The only way to become the person God made you to be," Ortberg writes, "is to live with the Spirit of God flowing through you like a river of living water." Spiritual formation is not about trying harder, which only results in fatigue, failure, and guilt. Rather, spiritual formation is about discovering and moving with the flow of the Holy Spirit in your spirit, mind, use of time, relationships, and experiences.
For Ortberg, the Holy Spirit does not replace you, he redeems you. Spiritual formation is not about becoming wholly different than who you are now. It is about taking who you are now and refining you in God's image. Two examples: Drawing on the work of Michael Mangis, Ortberg talks about "signature sins." He writes, "the pattern of your sin is related to the pattern of your strengths." When you operate in the flow of the Spirit, God does not eradicate your strengths in order to eradicate your sins. Rather, he works out your sins to help you build on your strengths.
Another example: Many people believe that a spiritually well-formed person will go into some kind of vocational ministry. Ortberg strongly disagrees. The Bible is a book written by workers about workers for workers," he writes, and by workers he means people who are not vocational ministers. "Most adults spend about half their waking lives at work," he goes on to say. "Your work is a huge part of God's plan for your life, and God intends the Spirit to fill and energize workplaces. Work that gets done in offices and elsewhere...desperately requires the guidance and energy of the Spirit." Spiritually formed people will be pastors, evangelists, and missionaries, of course, but also lawyers, doctors, and plumbers. The first person in the Bible to be described as "filled with the Spirit of God" was Bezalel, who was not a priest, but an artisan.
Ortberg does not neglect spiritual disciplines in this book, but he does reframe the way we think about them in a very helpful way. Take prayer, for example. We think of prayer as a discreet activity that we participate in for a set number of minutes (or hours) each day. But Ortberg frames it differently. "The goal of prayer," he writes "is to live all of my life and speak all of my words in the joyful awareness of the presence of God." Looked at this way, it becomes much easier to see how we can pray without ceasing and do everything to the glory of God. Our life as a whole, not just a set number of minutes a day, is prayer, an ongoing conversation with God.
As a Pentecostal Christian, I am greatly cheered to see an evangelical Christian talking so much about the Holy Spirit. Ortberg's book is a reminder that all Christians are the beneficiaries of the regenerating and sanctifying work of God through the Holy Spirit, and we have much to learn from others about these issues. Ortberg does not address the issue of baptism in the Spirit, however, which is the only downside to the book from a Pentecostal perspective.
Read it anyway! It will help you become the "me" God wants you to be.

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The bestselling author of When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box; God Is Closer Than You Think; and The Life You've Always Wanted--will help you discover spiritual vitality like never before as you learn to 'live in the flow of the spirit.' But if God has a perfect vision for your life, why does spiritual growth seem so difficult?John Ortberg has some intriguing answers to that question, and he has organized his thoughts and God's words into a straightforward and timely guide for living your best life in The Me I Want to Be. This book will show how God's perfect vision for you starts with a powerful promise. All those who trust in God 'will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit' (Jeremiah 17:7-8). Ortberg urges you to recognize your brokenness, understand that God is the project manager, and follow His directions. The author first helps gauge your spiritual health and measure the gap between where you are now and where God intends you to be. Then he provides detailed tasks and exercises to help you live in the flow of the Spirit, circumventing real-world barriers---pain and sorrow, temptations, self-doubt, sin---to flourish even in a dark and broken world.As you start living in the flow, you will feel: --- a deeper connection with God --- a growing sense of joy --- an honest recognition of your brokenness --- less fear, more trust --- a growing sense of being 'rooted in love' --- a deeper sense of purpose God invites you to join Him in crafting an abundant and joy-filled life. The Me I Want to Be shows you how to graciously accept His invitation.

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Why We Ride: Women Writers on the Horses in Their Lives Review

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(More customer reviews)I picked up this book intending to read a story or two on the way to doing something else, but I kept reading story after story, a bit like eating chocolates. In this gem of a collection, the writers bring to life their encounters with the four legged wise ones known as horses, but more than that, the authors become again the girls they once were. We learn how the horses in their lives changed them, gave them courage, taught them lessons about trust, taught them about humans as well as horses. I began to fall in love with the horses one by one--Oliver and Pegasus, Sky and Cassanova, and more. I kept reading every story until I finished the book, each author shaping her narrative to fit her style and the story she had to tell. The book is expertly edited by Verna Dreisbach, whose own story inspired me to keep reading, and Jane Smiley wrote the forword. By the end, you'll be looking up trail rides on Google, or paging through your own photographs to find yourself long ago, a grin on your face, on a horse that changed your life.

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Women and their horses - a symbiotic relationship based on trust, camaraderie, friendship, and love. In Why We Ride, Verna Dreisbach collects the stories of women who ride, sharing their personal emotions and accounts of the most important animals in their lives. This collection of stories includes the heartfelt thoughts of a range of women - those who rode as children, those who spent their girlhood years dreaming of owning a pony, and those who have made a lifelong hobby or career out of riding. Each story reveals how horses have made an impact in the lives of these women. With a foreword by best-selling novelist Jane Smiley, Why We Ride offers a reflective view on the relationships between women and horses.

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