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(More customer reviews)This book is admittedly old, and perhaps a lot has changes culturally since it was published. I am in my early 20's, so that might make a difference.
My first gripe is that about half of each chapter is written as a story, and the other half is straight to the point. The book could have been half as long if the story was left out.
Secret 1: Use feminine grace. Essentially she tells you to dress so you feel pretty, be nice, never be "ugly" (both physically and in behavior). Always wear pretty/sexy underwear. I totally agree with being nice to people in general, and overall have no complaints with this one, except she suggests using kissing as a reward system.
Secret 2:Men need to be understood and accepted for who they are. Basically don't try to change men, don't try to fix them, etc. Good advice
Secret 3: You are his only source of intimacy. This chapter is based on the broad generalization that all women are social creatures with at least one close friends and wide circles of friendships while men have only acquaintances and no close friends. It completely discounts anyone who is outside of this norm. We, as women, must then make ourselves completely available for our men to be their best friend, in all circumstances.
Secret 4: Sex is the only way men know how to be intimate:says to understand that men are socialized to not feel emotions or connect with people, so they can only express intimacy through sex. They can't possibly say and mean "I love you", so they say it through sex. I think this discounts human variation too much, and really doesn't give men enough credit.
Secret 5: Men have high hopes for monogamy. Great news, right? Yeah, until she gets to the point where if a woman looses interest in sex, he has no option but to follow is nature and seek out someone else. It seems to be a recurring theme that it is the woman's job to be very very interested in sex, all the time, to keep her man. Not only interested, but keep the sex exciting and fun for him. SHE should buy fresh undergarments that will arouse him, dress up, push HER boundaries, etc.
Secret 6:For a man, failure is like death. Basically she says it is a woman's job to always make her man feel like a success at home. What if he isn't? What if he doesn't do anything around the house, ignores the kids and you, etc? Reward him for doing little things, like putting his glass in the kitchen, with a sexy long kiss. Explain to the kids how important he is, and how hard he works, and tell them they shouldn't bother him. Accept that he needs his alone time at home. What crap! So he gets a free pass, and the woman (80% of whom also work these days) has to do everything?
Secret 7: If you're not happy, hes a failure. But, don't depend on him for happiness. Nope, be happy all by yourself through feminine grace. Live happy so he can be happy too.
Secret 8: Men show their love through action. If he washes your car, its his way of saying he loves you, because he can't express it in other ways. Again, nothing wrong with this except it doesn't take into account human variation. I am a woman, and I best express my caring through practical actions. I dated a man who was great at romance and poetry and love songs. Its all about the people, not the gender.
Secret 9:Men take risks to survive. But they hate being rejected. Once again, this pretty much boils down to doing what he wants, especially when it comes to sex. She says that unless you have a good reason not to, why in the world would you want to risk hurting him by saying no. SO you should almost always say yes. Oh, and it can't just be "yeah, ok" sex, it has to be fun and exciting for him. If you don't desire him, its your fault and you should take steps to admire him again so you will desire him. If he doesn't desire you, its probably because you have gained weight, let yourself go, and are acting ugly, so you better diet, hit the gym, pretty yourself up, and be nicer. Nice, huh?
Secret 10: Men loose when they commit. By getting married, men have to give up their dreams, make compromises, in order to support their families. Women, however, dream of having a husband and kids, so she gets to live her dream (sound like something out of the 1800's anyone?). Additionally, men want their wives to stay exactly the same as when they marry them. So what do we need to do? Tell him often how much you appreciate how hard he works to support you. Give him his privacy and time alone for his hobbies. Keep yourself beautiful and feminine. And of course, make sure you are offering lots of sex.
Secret 11: To be heard, you must speak his language. This one is actually a good tip. Don't assume he knows what you are thinking or feeling, spell everything out. Have a conversation about communication, listening, etc, and work together to improve your communication.
Secret 12: Men want to be with women who make them feel like men. Ask him to do "manly" stuff like opening jars. Tell him how strong and handsome he is, what a hard worker he is, how much you appreciate him supporting you, etc. Nothing wrong with this either, but I really get the feeling that the author sees a woman's job as her man's "ego booster" and sex object.
Overall, I didn't like the book, and am glad I got it from the library. There are so many books out there that focus on the team aspect of relationships, and how each person must be happy and healthy on their own in order to have a healthy relationship, etc. Pick one of those instead.
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Men Made Easy : How to Get What You Want from Your ManWhether single or married, Men Made Easy is filled with information that is so essential, you'll wonder how you survived without it.If you and your girlfriends have ever laughed that you need an "owner's manual" for the men in your life, Men Made Easy is as close as you'll get. Men become a little nervous when they find out how accurately this book explains why they do what they do, what they are thinking, and how to get them to respond to you in ways you've always hoped for. But if you are looking for quick, cute,and snappy ways to manipulate men, this is not the book for you. You're going to be getting much more than a quick fix or clever tricks. You will be looking inside the private world of men, a world they have chosen not to reveal to women and you will find that men become more predictable and sometimes even transparent. You will be much smarter in how you communicate and interact with them. All your relationships with men will begin to improve, especially in the arena of love and romance. To get more love and romance, you need to learn what is really going on with men. After interviewing hundreds of men and studying them for two years, Kara Oh is able to take you into their previously hidden world. Here is just some of what you can expect:* You will discover how to communicate your needs in new ways, ways that will make him want to do things for you (yes, even help around the house) and want to make you happy.* You will learn what it takes to get him to want to commit to you and make you his wife.* You will learn how to get that new man's attention and put him in such a spin that he won't be able to take his mind off of you.* You will have fun "playing with" your feminine grace and watching how easily men respond to the secrets that you will be using.You know that he hides his feelings behind a defensive wall. And you beat against his chest because he won't let you in. But now you are going to be able to actually go behind that wall, find out what he is feeling, what drives him, what he's afraid of, what he won't tell you, why he needs to be successful, what love means to him, and why he wants and needs to marry. Because you are going to make him feel understood and safe for maybe the first time, you will become invaluable to him because you will now have the key to his heart and soul. You will also enjoy a new sense of empowerment that will make you feel like dancing. And even though he won't know what's happening to him, he's going to love what you're doing and realize how very special you are to him. With a higher than 50% divorce rate and at least 80% of dating relationships failing and breaking hearts, it's obvious that there is something terribly wrong with how men and women interact and it's getting worse, not better. Communication is the key but if you are like most women, you've seen his eyes glaze over and most likely heard the phrase, "Can you just get to the point?" Obviously, you need to speak to him in new ways if you are going to see improvements in your relationship because how you have been doing it isn't working very well, is it? Finally, you will know how to speak to him so he really and truly listens to what you have to say.You can finally take charge of your love life. You deserve to be loved, to feel empowered in your relationship and to enjoy happiness. Kara offers the tools you need to finally get what you want: ever-deepening love and respect, romance, and an enduring relationship with a man who makes you feel cherished and adored. Men Made Easy is filled to overflowing with in-depth understanding about what it takes to create the kind of relationship you want. The book is easy to understand and fun to read. And almost immediately, effortlessly, you will be using her secrets like a pro.Some emails that have been sent to the author or to her online advice column, Ask Ms. Magic:Dear Kara,I am soooooo happy! It just dawned on me how much my SO has improved since I read and applied Kara's techniques (3 months or so). He is less moody, doesn't go into those "I need my space" funks for days like he used to (now it's one evening of "I need to watch TV in the other room, ok?" and then back to cuddle time!). He professes his love for me more often and has even said the things I've longed to hear, "you are my destiny, my goddess, you helped me to live again!" When he said those things, I almost cried. This was two days ago and I'm still in shock and on cloud nine! Ladies, I say, read Kara's book a few times over if you need to and live it! My relationship has become something of my dreams that I thought would never come true. If it can happen for me it can happen for you. Kara, feel free to use my comments to promote your book if you'd like, I want as many women as possible to feel as good as I feel right now! I've also posted this on the Yahoo! Men Made Easy online women's support group.Mizzhoney :-) Hello Kara,About your book...I am up to page 40 Kara, I think it is fabulous and I honor your insight, your intelligenceand your inner beauty. I am thrilled at how just reading only this far makes me feelan exceptionally beautiful woman and I thank you for reminding me how wonderful it isto be one. I am 59 years old andhave been ill for some time soI had just forgotten, but never again, for I will always have your book. DellHi, Kara: You are a genius. Thanks for such a wonderful book. This is GREAT STUFF -- and I can't wait to use it.N.C.Dear Kara,So often in life, we look for things to be complicated so that we can take pride in subject mastery... which often leads to such incomplete understanding. Thank you for breaking past that boundary with your great book & booklets. Please send info if/when available so that I can sign up for on line support groups. Also, I want to buy 2 hard copies of your books for my sisters... I've been respectful of your good work and have not forwarded the emailed version, but really want to share your insights. Are you planning on doing any East Coast seminars in the next year?Many thanks,MaureenPS: undoubtedly, the best $12 ever spent. No lipstick, cute shirt or strapped sandal has made me feel as confident; so glad I ran into your book just before dating again. THANK YOU KARA!!!!!This book has me mesmerized! As Beth in the book says, most of it I already know, just not consciously, or especially how to apply it to help the relationship. I am only half way through the book and I have come across MANY things that make me think of this friend, or that friend. Every woman should read this, and I will be telling the women I know! I have already started to think differently about myself, men, and love.... Dana G.
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